Friday, January 16, 2009

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT


I want to let you know what the rules are (DOCTOR'S ORDERS) if you wish to visit my blog for the next two weeks.  You will notice a slight change to the atmosphere here, a glow so to speak will be emanating from my blogspace.  

Please note: For your own safety, this blog must be read from a distance of 7 feet.

Ok, with all of that out of the way, here are some other rules that must be adhered to if you are to come and visit me over the next two weeks: DOCTOR'S ORDERS.

1.  Stop breast feeding. (Oh wait that's for me not you--sorry)
2.  Avoid kissing. (I don't want to see you kiss if I can't kiss for 2 days!)
3.  Avoid sharing items that contact the mouth. (That means you all have to come with your own can of whip cream to suck down....you too Crash!  No sharesies for 2 weeks.)
4.  Drink plenty of fluids. (And bring your own porta-potty because you can't use mine.  I have to use a separate bathroom for two weeks.  Sorry!)
5.  Men should sit down during urination. (Shouldn't they always?  Less for me to clean up.  This gets posted on my fridge forever!  I'll send you a copy for your fridge too if you want!)
6.  Wash hands frequently after using toilet. (I am puzzled why washing hands once thoroughly is not enough.  All my vital parts are covered and I hope yours are too!)
7.  Sleep alone in separate bed. (I must insist, that you do this too, for your own safety of course.  Who knows what amount of radiation you have been exposed to here.  Bonus: you won't have to listen to your spouse snore for 2 whole weeks!!!!)
8.  Delay return to work. (Here is your permission to call in sick and you too can have a copy!  (For a nominal fee of course!))
9.  Avoid long car trips with others.  (If you must go somewhere, go by yourself.  And instead of going to your intended destination (if it's boring) make a detour to a spa.  Hell-O!!!  You are by yourself!!!  Do it for me!!  Please?)
10.  Prevent pregnancy.  (You heard me.  To prevent "it", you can't do "it".  It's ONLY two weeks!  C'mon, what kind of friends are you?)

Those are the rules of engagement for you/me for the next two weeks!  Any questions?  

19 comments:

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yay! I don't have to do "it" for two weeks!! I can't wait to tell my husband.

It will be hard, but I will do it for my FRIEND!

Good luck today. Hilarious post for someone about to put their shine on and glow! hee hee

T said...

You glow girl... errrmmm - I mean you GO girl!

I love the rules... ManOfTheHouse might get frustrated, but we women must support one another :)

I tried to comment upstairs... stupid computer doesn't love me...
or maybe it was the verifier that was saying insom... predicting a very bad night? You get all the rest you can - I'm off to kick the old nasty computer to the curb!

T said...

I really have nothing left to say - but the verifier does:

suctorts? are you involved in a really bad lawsuit?

Anjeny said...

Wooohooo...I can finally tell my hubby I can't do "it" for 2 weeks, doctor's orders. Poor guy would think he's been sentence to a monastary...lol...but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I pledge to abide by your rules 200%. How's that?
It's really refreshing to read your funny post esp. what you are going through right now. I like that about you. Keep up that positive glow.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Yea driving alone for me will be hard...i like people around me and plus my husband follows me around like a lone puppy!

But I don't have to DO IT...I appreciate that also as much as crash...but we are twinners!

Men sitting on the toilet...that's great and I'll tell my husband and son, they need to be supportive of my friends!

I'm sending my prayer on this comment...did I miss family prayer! :)

Love ya!

No lie my verifier says SUBED...like sup' bed! Will you get to see a lot of your bed?

I would love to be holed up reading blogs and books for a WHOLE two weeks!!! But I'm sure it get old after a while eh?

April said...

Crash-YOU ARE WELCOME!!! hehehehe That's what friends are for, to help each other out gf!

T-I be glowing! I hear that tossing a computer out of a second story window is very therapeutic......I'm just saying....if it's not working anyways.... AND YES!!! We do have to go to court soon for my son!!! That is FREAKY!!!

Anjeny-glowing away, just as prescribed! Thanks for your support! Hope the hubby understands!

Shelle-you must embrace driving alone.....your mind can take you places....I love it! Thanks for the prayers and tell the hubby and son thanks for me! (you'll benefit from their cooperation too!) hehehe!!!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Wait, wait, wait not doing it for another 2 weeks might be the straw that broke the camel's back in my hubby's book. He's already been gone for a week on business. Add another 2 weeks? He'll probably make me break up with my blogging buddies. Maybe I'll just fake that time of the month and severe cramping so I don't have to break up with you all.

Good luck with your treatment! You are keeping a great sense of humor and that's half the battle, right?

wv: "acidg"
I guess acid is another way you could glow.

Heidi Ashworth said...

VERY funny and clever post, April! Being sick must agree with you (as it does Alyson).

The Papa's said...

Alright, I'm gonna need MY OWN copy for my fridge...you know, so Dan doesn't get any "IDEAS." But I don't really think that's MY problem, I believe it's Mona's!!!

Fo' real though-Hope you are doing...well, can you be doing well with this kinda thing?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Humor is the best medicine for sure. Keep up the good work. If you are bored, you could go back and read some of my 61 posts from July, I found humor was the only thing that got me through that month from helk.

Kazzy said...

I will struggle the most with number 4. I never drink enough fluids. Man, that one is gonna test my fortitude!!

April said...

Alyson-I will look the other way...get it! Since your hubby has been gone for a week. You've already had one snore-free week! LUCKY!!!

Heidi-I'm just saying what I was told at my appt today! Some are just bizarre! The one I neglected to put on here was I was not to touch my urine. My response: So that means I can't splash around in it for two weeks? (Sometimes I just can't help myself!)

Roxanne/Suzanne-I can get you a copy anytime sista! And as for that Mona....where is that girl?

NHC-I am only in good spirits because of awesome people like you and others here who have let me know of their support. It has meant so much to me! Thanks for the heads up about your July entries!! Once I am done with Miss Heidi's book, I don't want to be wandering aimlessly about the house.

Kazzy-Your struggle is my struggle. Thus, I know not if my nausea is from the treatment or too much liquid. Either way, it's unwelcome!

wendy said...

Oh, I wanna support you in all of this I Do, I Do. Can I put in my order for the fridge magnet "men must sit while urinating". Also I would love to Delay going to work --for a good cause after all. Not taking long car trips, well, IF I don't go to work, that would be handled (I take the public Train (TRAXX) to work , loaded with people. I could use a break from that. AND -- Avoid pregnancy--NO PROBLEM-0. That was taken care of 24 years ago. I wish you the very best in all of this. Your spirit will "radiate" with all of us. We are there for ya.

Kristina P. said...

You don't have your email set up or I would email you! I ended up deleting the comment you were referring to. I somehow missed it. It crossed the line.

April said...

Wendy-you may have a fridge magnet, but I would suggest hanging a sign over the toilet. I have found that long term memory for this sort of thing is lacking. WOW! You are adventurous riding the traxx with all of the interesting characters that join you on your daily journeys. Thanks for being SO supportive!! YOU ROCK my fellow Canadian!

Stephen said...

Good luck! I was going to write something funny, but I am not sure if you feel up to it.

April said...

Stephen-I may feel like shiznit, but I am always up for humor! And thanks for stopping by!

Kritta22 said...

I must have missed family prayer! Why didn't anybody text me??!!

I'm praying for you girl!

I'll use the girls' bathroom for you for two weeks. In fact for the next 6 months. And two weeks without it, you got it girl!

You are a superstar! need anything??

April said...

Kritta--Thanks gf! No, YOU are a superstar!!! I fixed the email thingy, so now I can be emailed. And thanks for being so generous with the bathroom! WOW! Sorry about not texting you for family prayers....my bad! :D