Sunday, January 18, 2009

SHINE ON!


I must say that I am disappointed. I was hoping that when I turned out the lights on Friday night that I would glow in the dark.

I didn't.

I tried again on Saturday. Nothing.

I just feel nauseous and want to toss my cookies. (It would be awesome if I could even eat cookies right now.)

As a matter of fact, I am surprised at myself. I am surprised that I am sharing this much info with you. I usually only share this much with my sisters.

I have learned through my own experiences to keep things to myself otherwise I might be hurt. I was tired of being hurt/let down/pushed aside/over looked by others. So, I clammed up. Zipped it. Shut it. Shut down.

I am entering a new phase of my life. I think I am maturing....WEIRD!

I need to mature in some areas. OK, I need to mature in A LOT of areas. Baby steps.

The area that I am maturing in the most right now is choosing to stop playing games. I'm getting off the Merry Go Round of life. Being on that Merry Go Round is nauseating. Besides it gets me nowhere. And frankly I don't have enough Zip Lock bags (that's for you NHC) to catch all the aftermath.

Change isn't easy. It isn't easy on me or the people around me but it is necessary.

I realize now that it is the good people around me that make me shine, not any meds I may have to take.

In the meantime, as long as I stock up on the zip lock bags, I should be just fine!

34 comments:

Joy For Your Journey said...

I think I can officially be called a blog stalker now! I was reading Heidi's blog and saw your comment and since my husband is away at meetings and I have time on my hands . . . I went to your blog, but then I was so confused as to what was happening in your life I had to read all your postings and the comments. I think I have it now . . .so sorry for stalking you, but I did want to say that my neighbor was diagnosed with thyroid cancer 20 years ago and got through it all very well. I am sure your experience will be similar in that only bright days are ahead (and I am not referring to your radioactive glow. :-) Best of luck!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Yay for maturing! I feel the same thing coming on.

Good luck in your 2 week journey! Hope you get to read lots of good books and take loads of naps.

T said...

maturing... I'm going to keep working on that one... good idea for getting off the merry go round though - those are enough to make anyone Yog even if they haven't been irradiated recently.


eewwww... my word verification is Scabi... THERE'S another nauseating moment, just for you :)

Kristina P. said...

I wish you nothing but the best, April. You have been such a great blog friend, in a short amount of time!

April said...

Joy-apology accepted...J/K!!! I will now have to stalk you in return!

Alyson-The naps are ridiculous! I feel like a little kid! I have just finished Heidi's book and am perusing my bookcase. And I hope to gain some sort of maturity. It's scary when your kids act more mature than you. hehehehe!!!

T-the maturity thing is hard for me to keep in balance. That Merry Go Round is so enticing at times, but just not worth the nausea.

Kristina-thanks so much! I think what you do is great!!

Sandi said...

April it sounds like you are doing great! I was kind of hoping you would glow a little bit too though. haha. I am not totally on-board with this maturing thing. I want Raegan to do it, but I am not ready to do it myself. I know that Drew will take good care of you, but I really do wish I was near by so that I could help- Thanks for sharing your experience with us :)

Heidi Ashworth said...

But what about the book? (It must always be about me ME MEEEEE!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

That was beautiful. I'm high fiving you right now.

And I just thought of another song for the playlist.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

April, I am so sorry that others have let you down in the past. I can certainly see where that would cause one to want to just keep things to themselves. But truly there has to be someone who could help you if you let them. Just one?

I know that my problem has been everyone and their dog had asked me "What can I do?" and I have not been able to really say could you come over and clean my toilets. Or I have been so overwhelmed, I couldn't even think of what to ask for.

Perhaps that is the biggest blessing of blogging friends, they allow us to share with each other, and sometimes just talking about makes it seem better. I know that after some of my most depressing posts, I have felt much better. So strange.

In the mean time hang in there. And I look forward to meeting you in person sometime.

April said...

Sandi-I am doing good. I am being brave cause no one wants to hear whining!

Heidi-drum roll please....I LOVED YOUR BOOK!!!! True story. I read from Chapter 13 to the end this afternoon. I couldn't put it down! I loved the twist at the end. The couples that ended up together deserved each other!!! I loved how you developed the plot and kept me interested. I'm going to suggest it to my sister Robin while she recuperates. She loves novels like this!

Crash-you are too kind as usual! I am going to check out the new song.

Pat-I am slowly trying to trust again. It is hard. But I still am not good at it. This is what I love about blogging. It has helped me share things and feel safe doing so. I look forward to meeting you too!

Kazzy said...

Sorry to hear you have been so let down in the past. I agree that one of the cool things about blogging is that you can be personal, but nobody is going to smother you because there is a natural and healthy distance here. It is the nature of things.

I am still maturing too in many areas. And a friend used to say to me that she always interpreted the adage of enduring to the end to mean enduring to the end of the day. And then we endure again tomorrow. Makes sense to me!

April said...

Kazzy-I am happy to say that the one person in life that hasn't let me down is my hubby. He has always been there for me. That is something I will ALWAYS be grateful for.

Jen said...

I just had to stop by and see how you were doing! So sorry for the unpleasantness - and my hubby really isn't going to like some of your rules...

Hope you feel better soon, and I have to say, your attitude is inspiring. Good luck with all your thinking (and reading)!

Jami said...

What?! You don't get to glow in the dark? No fair. What's the fun in being radioactive if you don't get to glow.

At least you get to shine. And really, isn't shining better than glowing?

Sending love and prayers your way.

April said...

Jen-Thanks so much! Just let your hubby know he's doing it for the betterment of mankind or some nonsense like that! :D Thanks so much for your support! I appreciate it!

Sandi said...

And just so you know, I am raising my right hand in complete support of every single one of your rules. Amen sista!

SWIRL said...

You let me know when you are up for some kisses and send me your snail mail!

April said...

Thanks Sandi!!! I knew I could count on you!!!

Swirl!!! I will send you my address. Hopefully by the time the kisses get here I won't be so nauseous.

Lee-Ann said...

Aril,
go back to our original dialogue. There's more for you there now. forget about maturing. I've slid back to the adolescence I wished I'd had. wanna go clubbing?

April said...

Hahahaha!!! Lee-Ann!!! You probably need to go clubbing more than me!! I can't wait to meet your new 6 kids!!! You are amazing!!!

Lee-Ann said...

I had the thought once that I was amazing then I realized I'm just an idiot. You amaze me how you are fighting through this. Don't worry - your secret is safe with me. If you guys head up this way then bring Broc along because "someone" who hasn't seen him in awhile wouldn't mind seeing him.

Annie Valentine said...

I love you April, you're in my prayers. How could anyone not love you?

Someday I'm going to be a good grown-up and stop playing games, but I still kind of like amusement parks.

April said...

Annie-thanks for the love! And just so you know...I like amusement parks too....just not the Merry Go Round so much. But I do find myself still on it every now and then.

Stephen said...

That really showed alot of maturity and self confidence to put all that out there.

wendy said...

HEY, I see it. YES you are shinning. I can tell just by your posts that you have a wonderful way about you --A real Live Shinning sparkly person. It does take us getting older to realize, Hey, no more of the fake stuff, you can either like me or----go away. No more merry go rides. I am a virtual Ferris wheel --keep climbing up up up --sometimes get disappointed and plummett down again,(bummer) but I know it will go BACK UP AGAIN. Hang in there.

April said...

Hey Stephen! Thanks! I am working on the self-confidence thing. Baby steps!

Isn't it true Wendy, that you hit a certain age and you think to yourself-I don't have time for this crap any more! You either like me or you don't! I finally reached that age! It is very freeing!

val of the south said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog!

That sucks about the glowing - for all you're going through you should at least get to glow!!

I don't know where you live (haven't stalked you enough yet!) but if you have a Trader Joe's nearby, send someone for some Ginger People Ginger Chews. They work great for nausea! They're really strong and it takes 2 of them to get much relief.

Chew some wintergreen lifesavers in the dark - you won't glow but you'll spark and you can pretend it's coming from you!

Michelle said...

Hey I am sad to hear that you don't glow....that would be so awesome. Drew said you were doing okay, just know that I'm thinking about you :)

April said...

Hi Val-thanks for the tip, but no Trader Joes around here. Do they have them in Utah? I know they do in AZ. But the lifesavers sound like fun!

Hey Michelle!!! I miss you!! I should be ready by the end of the month for VTing. We can use me as an excuse for not staying long if you want.

val of the south said...

No Trader Joe's here :( I miss them terribly. Anytime my mom goes to Vegas she stocks up for me and my mother-in-law brings stuff for me in her luggage when she visits.

If I could, I would sure bring you some, seeing as we're Relief Society Sista's and all!

Barbaloot said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. Not gonna lie-after reading Crash's blog and having you comment on mine---I feel kind of special.

I love how you said it's the people around you that make you shine. What a wonderful thing to remember. And the whole zipping up your feelings and not sharing; that's not so bad is it? I mean, it keeps you from maybe getting hurt in the future, right? And what? I'm justifying? Never.

April said...

Val you are so sweet!

Barbaloot thanks for the comment! And I am an expert on zipping!!

robin said...

Yeah!!!! I finally feel well enough to post to comment.... what to say .... what to say... hmmmm... not really sure here... my brain must be fuzzy from all the pain meds... what was I going to say again??? oh right!!!! that you are my favorite sister that lives in the United States!!!! Lim's my favorite sister that lives in Canada but Sheri will never know that because she's not into blogging and you wouldn't be mean enough to tell her because I just told her that you're my favorite sister that lives in the United States right??? I just love you and your personality and I know you'll get through this radiation pill because you have a strong inner core that gets you through. I know how tiring it is to "be strong" and all but the fact of the matter is you are an inspiration to many around you. Thanks for all you do!!!

April said...

Robin...your secret is safe with me! hahahahaha!!!!! Wonder why I am laughing? Maybe I will tell you....one day....hahahahahaha!!!