Friday, January 23, 2009

Just So You Know......

When you begin to feel again it means that you uncover those tricky creatures called feelings.

That's the good news.

That's also the bad news.

That's also why I am a somewhat reclusive today.

I was going to say that I am hurting more than I should, but then I would just be "shoulding" all over myself.

Some of you will get it. Some of you won't. It is hard for me when some people don't get it. It just intensifies the pain.

Just so you know.....

I hurt. I have been hurt and I am experiencing pain from that hurt. I am not saying this to gain sympathy. I am saying this to let it go. I am giving a voice to the pain I have carried for so long.

So long.

I want to bid so long & farewell to the hurt and pain.

14 comments:

The Papa's said...

Getting hurt...well, it just plain sucks!!! But it is also nice to be able to "feel" again. I think I should take some lessons from you, 'cuz right now I feel more anger than anything, & that sucks, too!!! Anyway, how are you? Do you need me to bring you anything? I could come @ night & follow the "glow". Let me know:0)

Kristina P. said...

I thinking acknowledging it is a huge step in that process!

I am thinking of you!

wendy said...

I am not sure of your "particular hurt" today. But I think I GET IT in general. Hurt takes soooooo long to come to terms with and soooo long to let go of. There are times when the hurt is so severe, you want to become a total recluse and reaching out to the ONE who can help us most doesn't even seem like an option anymore. The longer you live, the more chances there are for Hurt....but the more we learn about ourselves and those still willing to LOVE us is the balm of Gilead.

Waynsh said...

April. You are such a brave soul. I admire your courage to heal, and to grow. You are truly inspiring. It does hurt to feel, to remember, to forgive, and to think of all the "should"ing on yourself that has come from it. I am excited for your journey, and the healing that will come from it. You should be proud. I am another one of the many that love you, and I am here for you. Love you and miss you. Kaysha

Heidi Ashworth said...

Naturally, I know nothing about what it is that hurt you but I totally understand about the "shoulding". Not good. No need to give yourself any assignments right now, just heal, in every way. I agree with what someone else said--just being aware of what is going on is enough.

T said...

Didn't mean to call you out of your reclusiveness if that's where you were comfy - everyone's allowed a day off when they want, we just love your smiley face (and want it to be better soon!)

Stick with Wants and forget the Shoulds for now :)

Kazzy said...

Sorry, April.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

My dearest April,

One of my favorite scriptures is in the story of Mary/Martha/Lazarus when it says

Jesus wept.

Sometimes the best comfort to those in pain is to just cry with them. So I am shedding some tears in your behalf tonight, K.

Just so you know, I wish you did not have to hurt right now. Although apparently hurting is part of the plan. I wish there were some other way.

And I may not understand your exact pain, but I do know what it feels like to hurt. You are not alone. I hope that helps.

I know that during the past few months, I have written about some of my pain, and it was amazingly relieving to just let others know what I was going through. I hope that you feel the same.

Have you read that conference talk "I hope you know I had a hard time".

I don't want you to feel shoulded into commenting. But I did miss your comments today.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Big cyber hug.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Hi april, just wanted you to know that I tagged you--see my blog--but don't feel like you have to do it if you aren't up to it. Hope you are feeling better! Heidi

val of the south said...

Oh April, I'm so sorry. There's no easy way to deal with the hurt - except to go through it. Though I seem to prefer the avoidance route myself (but then it just rears it's ugly head as anxiety!)

I'm proud of you for facing it and dealing with it and trying to get beyond it! It's so worth it in the end.

Best of luck on your journey - you are an amazing, strong woman! (at least that's what all the cool people are saying!!)

robin said...

Hope you are feeling better today than yesterday. You have been in my thought and prayers and although I don't always say the right things I do send you my best wishes and hope you are doing better.

April said...

Roxanne- you know it...and you rock!

Kristina-thanks for being you!

Wendy-thanks for being there!

Kaysh- you my dear are awesome! NEVER forget that!

Heidi- thanks for the support!

T- thanks for noticing! That meant so much!

Kazzy-thank you, just keep singing, that ALWAYS brings a smile to my face!

NHC-Just so you know, I can't wait to meet you in real life one day.

Val-I think that you are a sweetheart! Thanks!

Toad- Love You no matter what!

Tyler and Kacie said...

YEAH for feelings!!! I knew you could do it. I always had faith in you! ;)lol. I know you will NEVER forget this experience for what it is, an experience. As weird as it may sound, I think you needed this time with yourself. Doesn't it feel so good to get it out? Well, I really hope you are doing well and I hope you get better fast. I MISS YOU!!! I ditto Ms. Roxanne- do you need anything? Do your boys need food? Let me and Roxanne know when you are not so radioactive so we can come visit you! xoxo

April said...

Mona!!! I miss you and Roxanne so much! I miss our silly talks and I miss throwing things because something frustrated me and it makes you guys laugh. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for being my friend! LY!!!