I want to let you know what the rules are (DOCTOR'S ORDERS) if you wish to visit my blog for the next two weeks. You will notice a slight change to the atmosphere here, a glow so to speak will be emanating from my blogspace.
Please note: For your own safety, this blog must be read from a distance of 7 feet.
Ok, with all of that out of the way, here are some other rules that must be adhered to if you are to come and visit me over the next two weeks: DOCTOR'S ORDERS.
1. Stop breast feeding. (Oh wait that's for me not you--sorry)
2. Avoid kissing. (I don't want to see you kiss if I can't kiss for 2 days!)
3. Avoid sharing items that contact the mouth. (That means you all have to come with your own can of whip cream to suck down....you too Crash! No sharesies for 2 weeks.)
4. Drink plenty of fluids. (And bring your own porta-potty because you can't use mine. I have to use a separate bathroom for two weeks. Sorry!)
5. Men should sit down during urination. (Shouldn't they always? Less for me to clean up. This gets posted on my fridge forever! I'll send you a copy for your fridge too if you want!)
6. Wash hands frequently after using toilet. (I am puzzled why washing hands once thoroughly is not enough. All my vital parts are covered and I hope yours are too!)
7. Sleep alone in separate bed. (I must insist, that you do this too, for your own safety of course. Who knows what amount of radiation you have been exposed to here. Bonus: you won't have to listen to your spouse snore for 2 whole weeks!!!!)
8. Delay return to work. (Here is your permission to call in sick and you too can have a copy! (For a nominal fee of course!))
9. Avoid long car trips with others. (If you must go somewhere, go by yourself. And instead of going to your intended destination (if it's boring) make a detour to a spa. Hell-O!!! You are by yourself!!! Do it for me!! Please?)
10. Prevent pregnancy. (You heard me. To prevent "it", you can't do "it". It's ONLY two weeks! C'mon, what kind of friends are you?)
Those are the rules of engagement for you/me for the next two weeks! Any questions?
