It Happened AGAIN!

IT HAPPENED AGAIN PEOPLE!!!

I was sitting in a restaurant (I do occasionally eat at home) minding my own business when I spotted the child of famous blogger.

This little one is such a cutie! Oh my goodness! You just want to squeeze her!

And she wasn't even freaked out when I ran over to her and picked her up and swung her around and yelled, "I know your mom! I know your mom!"

Ok, maybe I didn't go that far, but I got a big hug out of her by the end of dinner. She is so adorable and might I add, very mature for her age.

You are welcome Miss D!

Oh, and did I mention that I got to eat dinner with her mother as well? LOVE HER! She is the craziest Nutty Hamster Chick you will ever run across!

There was this other guy at the table that was sporting some hand mustache. Kinda weird, but he paid my bill, so I wasn't about to complain.

Seriously, what are the odds of running into another famous blogger's child? (And the blogger too of course!)

Not for the Weak

Change is not for the weak.

And right now, I am weak.

I am tired of change.

Tired of changing.

I am tired of putting my brain through one change after another.

Now I'm just whining. But you get my point don't you?

Change is hard.

Change for the better is good, but I feel like I've been through the ringer! You know the old ringer washer where you would feed the clothes through the two rollers. As the clothes go through the rollers the excess water is squeezed out.




I feel like a piece of clothing going through the rollers. I am being squeezed. I have nothing left.

I am trying to assimilate what I am learning into my life and trying to eliminate what I don't need. It sounds so simple.

Now picture yourself holding a jigsaw puzzle.

And imagine that puzzle you are holding represents your life.

As you are holding your life in your hands, you are told to drop that puzzle on the ground.

You know that if you do this that it will break into hundreds of pieces. You also know that you can't do anything while you are stuck holding a jigsaw puzzle. If you drop the puzzle, your hands are free. However, if you hold onto it, you are bound. The dropping of that puzzle represents the beginning of your freedom. So, you weigh out your choices.

What kind of life will you have walking around with a puzzle in your hands the rest of your life? Guarding it ever so carefully so that nothing happens to it. What kind of life is that? It is a safe life. It is a life that you may be comfortable with. It is a life that you know. But it is not the best life for you. It is not the best life for me. So out I step. Out of my comfort zone. The comfort zone that has protected me for so many years. Yet this protection has come with a cost. The cost is joy, happiness, friendship, love of self.

I drop the puzzle. I drop the life I know so well.


The puzzle pieces now lay on the ground. Some lay face up and some lay face down. When I chose to drop the puzzle and free my hands, I felt that I chose a monumental task for myself. I felt I would have to sift through all of these pieces to see what pieces were still relevant and what pieces were no longer relevant in my life. These pieces I would discard.

Day in and day out I have been racing through my thoughts, looking in the recesses of my mind for areas I may have missed. What if I missed this area? What if I forgot about that? I have been sorting through my mind as if it were the puzzle pieces that fell to the ground. I have been wasting my energies on "what if's" instead of focusing on the here and now. I felt life was getting in the way, instead of the puzzle pieces getting in the way of my life.

The puzzle pieces are on the ground. There they may stay.

I'm tired.

I'm hard on myself.

I don't want to look at any more puzzle pieces......maybe that's why I'm on day 2 of a migraine.

I want my life.

HOW STELLA......ERRR....APRIL GOT HER GROOVE BACK

The rumors are false, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  I made it to the edge, but did not fall.  Cool huh?  Sooooooo............

If you are familiar with the movie starring Angela Bassett, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, then you will be totally disappointed with this post!  I am NOT Angela Bassett.  True story.  I am not a sexy successful stock broker (but who is these days).  I am a wife and mom making an effort to make changes in my life.  BIG CHANGES.  And there is no steamy Taye Diggs in my life who has tried to seduce me.  I have Drew!  

THIS IS REAL LIFE PEOPLE!!!  He snores, he doesn't throw things in the trash, he has to be reminded 9 0r 10 times to do something,  and he doesn't clean out the tub.  But would I trade him for anyone else?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  We have been to hell and back and we still love each other.  We still respect each other.   (How lucky we are to have come out of everything still in love, still respecting each other, still communicating with each other.    There are so many who fall victim to day to day life.)  

The only similarity between Stella and I (is that even proper grammar?) is that I too am starting to get my groove back.  I am realizing what REALLY is important in life.  I knew intellectually what was important.  I just wasn't allowing myself to believe that I was worthy to have those things.  I am.  I deserve it.  I am worthy.  The sooner I accept it, the sooner my family will be able to have ALL of me and not just part of me.  Is this making sense to you?  

I am not known to be a fast learner.  I have a stubborn streak (or two).  I have been known to wear my finger nails down to the quick because of hanging on to the past for dear life.  I hang on because this is all I know.  This all I have.  It is like an old friend.  Does that sound familiar?  I just needed the tools and the guidance to move forward.  I have been searching for this.  I knew that when I heard what was right for me I would recognize it.  I have heard it.  It struck a chord.

Like a jig saw puzzle, the pieces are starting to fall into place.  Tender mercies are being shown to me. I am being shown a new way of "being" and living.  I have hope for change and a permanent change at that.  People are being brought into my life and these people teach me every day!  I LOVE IT!!!  It is amazing!  It is changing my life!

Sounds easy right?  I've made changes before.  BIG CHANGES.  So imagine my utter joy to make some more!  (Note the sarcasm.)  YEAH!!!  Even my sarcasm is returning!!!  I thought I had lost it forever!!!  

Let's pause for a moment of silence for the return of my sarcasm that I thought was lost.........................................................................................................................................

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AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....that felt great!

Now, the bad news......just kidding!  A new and improved me is returning....I am trying to get the feel of the new me.  So, bear with me just a little longer. 

Oh, and did I mention that my son gets home from his mission in 12 DAYS!!!!  AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I'm about to burst!!!!